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I have some breaking news
Next year's Met Gala is going to have an 'Islam' theme.
Yes, guests in 2019 will be encouraged to wear skimpy, provocative dresses that 'celebrate' the Prophet Mohammad, Islamic clothing including hijabs and burqas, and the Koran.
I can also reveal that the 2020 Met Gala will have a 'Jewish' theme.
Yes, a bunch of celebrities and models will be posing for the world's paparazzi dressed in all manner of Jewish attire and regalia, including dressing up as Rabbis and wearing kippahs.
Neither of these things is actually going to happen.
In fact, just by suggesting it, I'm sure I will be subjecting myself to immediate anger from many Muslims and Jews.
The Met wouldn't dream of having an Islam or Jewish themed, but Catholicism is apparently fine. Monday night was titled 'Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination' and the stars and their designers threw themselves into the theme. Rihanna came as a silver Pope
Yet apparently it's absolutely fine to have a 'Catholic' theme, as we saw at last night's Met Gala.
Christianity, it would seem, is fair game for a mocking fashion parade.
Now I'm not a big one for 'cultural appropriation' fury.
When Utah teenager Keziah Daum recently wore a Chinese style prom dress, I found the backlash that exploded against her utterly absurd given that nobody in China seemed to be remotely offended.
But there was widespread rage towards her from PC-crazed liberals across America, and it's the inconsistent and hypocritical LACK of widespread rage from PC-crazed liberals across America about last night's Met Gala that ironically makes me angry.
When Utah teenager Keziah Daum recently wore this Chinese style prom dress, an absurd backlash exploded. There was widespread rage from PC-crazed liberals across America, and the hypocritical LACK of widespread rage from these liberals about the Met makes me angry
Why is it deemed unacceptable to wear a red Chinese dress to a prom, but acceptable to lampoon an entire religion at a celebrity gala?
This particular subject is personal to me.
I'm a Catholic.
Not the most devout you'll ever meet, I'll admit.
But I was brought up a Catholic – I even received not entirely successful spiritual guidance from nuns as a teenager! – and I still consider myself to be a Catholic.
I know many people don't believe in any God or religion, let alone Catholicism, and I respect that.
All I ask in return is for my beliefs not to be rudely disrespected.
Just as I always respect other religions even if I don't believe in what they represent.
To me, this year's Met Gala crossed a line and was openly, brazenly disrespectful.
By doing so, it confirmed itself as an organisation of rank double standards, because everyone knows they'd have never dared do it to Islam or Judaism.
Apparently – staggeringly - the Vatican gave permission for the Gala to be 'Catholic-themed' because it has already provided a variety of clothes and other items for an accompanying exhibition at the Met.
To which my response is: what the hell was the Vatican thinking?
Staggeringly, the Vatican gave permission for the Gala to be 'Catholic-themed' because it has already provided a variety of clothes and other items for the accompanying exhibition
There is a massive difference between seeing religious artefacts tastefully and respectfully laid out in a museum and seeing them stuck on some flesh-flaunting celebrity's head at a party.
The night was titled 'Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination' and the stars and their designers threw themselves into the theme with maximum creative gusto.
Rihanna came as a silver Pope, complete with Mitre.
'It feels expensive, it would be a sin not to wear it!' she told Vogue, without it would seem a thought for whether it felt offensive.
Jennifer Lopez came as a jewel-encrusted multi-coloured cross.
Kim Kardashian wore a Versace gold gown with large crosses emblazoned on her hips and torso (The same hips and torso she's spent the past two weeks flashing naked online). She had two more necklace crosses perched above her bulging cleavage.
The Hadid sisters: Gigi went as a stain glass window and Bella went with crosses and black leather
Bella Hadid went for the black leather and PVC look, complemented by crosses.
Her sister Gigi came as a stain glass window.
Ariana Grande came as Michaelangelo's 'The Last Judgement' fresco found on the altar wall of the Sistine Chapel.
Katy Perry came as a giant feathered angel, which looked as ridiculous as it sounds.
Ariana Grande came as Michaelangelo's 'The Last Judgement' fresco found on the altar wall of the Sistine Chapel
Katy Perry came as a giant feathered angel, which looked as ridiculous as it sounds
A lot of the imagery was highly sexualised, which you might think not just inappropriate for a religious theme but also incredibly offensive to the many victims of sex abuse in the Catholic Church.
Victoria's Secret model Stella Maxwell thought it fun to have images of the Virgin Mary all over her strapless dress.
Ruby Rose wore a red tunic showing off her vulgar tattoos and a cross.
Madonna, who looked preposterous in a black Jean Paul Gaultier gown and tiara, later sang her hit Like A Prayer at the after-party. When it first came out, Madonna enjoyed enraging Catholics by making a video featuring burning crosses, statues crying blood and her seducing a black Jesus. What a nice touch to have this blasphemous old crone returning in all her unedifying glory to insult us all over again.
But comfortably the worst offender was Sarah Jessica Parker who had an entire Nativity Play scene on her head.
Really, Ms Parker?
You think it's perfectly OK to do that?
The bottom line is that the Met Gala would never even consider an Islamic or Jewish theme for its big night.
The organisers know full well that if they did, they'd be closed down within hours of it finishing.
They chose Catholicism, and Christianity, because they calculated that we wouldn't mind as much.
Well, I do mind.
And I think a lot of other Catholics and Christians will mind, too.
Those celebrities who took part in this offensive fiasco need to ask themselves one question: 'Would I have gone dressed as a Muslim or a Jew if I were not Muslim or Jewish?'
If the obvious answer is 'No, of course not' then they should all be ashamed of themselves.