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THE PROBLEM WITH JEALOUS AND POSSESSIVE MEN is that they can be hard to spot sometimes.
When that behaviour rears its ugly head, women can sometimes excuse it as signs of love and interest. It can be easy to excuse, particularly if the guy is charming and seems nice.
What many women don’t realize is that the behaviour of jealous and possessive men often goes a step further, leading to a ienation, control, and eventually violence.
That is the case in this week’s Secrets’ Corner. A regular reader wanted feedback on the following: A woman was beaten by her husband the day after the wedding. What should she do?
After detailing a confession to us about her life, this reader asked us to wait a few weeks before putting this question up to generate comments.
Initially, we were stunned at the situation. It’s hard to fathom that she didn’t see signs of this type of behaviour in her groom prior to the wedding during their days of dating.
One regular contributor also felt this way, saying: “Was he not beating her before? If that was not the case and this was the first beating, then I would leave him, return the gifts and get an annulment.”
Married young But as the situation was explained to us, they were both young, just in their 20s, when she became pregnant.
They were pushed into marriage by their churchgoing parents, and he was the possessive type, who after impregnating her felt he had arrived and thereafter wanted to play the field.
Therefore, she was caught totally unawares by his action.
While sticking up for yourself is noble, no bride should be fighting with her husband hours after her wedding. That might have been the trend in days past, but things and times have changed.
If he has a volatile temper, that fight could be potentially deadly. Likewise, if she does not like anyone hurting her and is also the type who retaliates, then that is also a potentially deadly scenario.
Either way, it is not the picture most brides have of their wedding day, or the subsequent days to follow. It certainly shouldn’t be the way she or any other woman looks to start her married life.
The following are some of the comments submitted on this:
• “Well, my girl, once the marriage isn’t consummated yet, annul it and roll out. If it has been, still leave. Because if it start the day after marriage, what do you think going to happen a year from now? Plus I’m pretty sure there were signs before that. (Not blaming her at all – don’t get me wrong.) But if there were, she should have never married him in the first place.”
• “I wonder if he ever tried it before. It would be a ‘last’ for me – and the shortest marriage ever. Sick behaviour!”
• “She should stay away from him because this would be the beginning of many.
Love can sometimes cause women to cover up a multitude of sins that can lead to a lifetime of unhappiness. While the situation is bad, it is perhaps good that it happened now so that she can make a decision to walk away.”
• “She best run as fast as she can and leave because if it didn’t happen before (which I doubt), it will happen again.”
• “She should leave after being beaten just after the wedding.
His love is a strange one. While many people are calling for the woman to leave, there is the whole notion of being married and sticking things through. Unfortunately, domestic abuse is a never-ending saga that takes too much physically and emotionally out of a woman, so her best alternative is to leave now.”
• “Life and love are strange. I hear some women say if the man doesn’t beat them bad, he doesn’t love them. I wonder why that is?”
• “If she calls the police they might not even come to her rescue. The best thing she could do is to defend herself, no matter what happens.”
• “Well, the old time people used to say ‘I am beating you because I love you’. But hold on a bit here with this one. That would be the first and the last time he would put his hands on me or any other woman. He wouldn’t be around.” (SH-O/SP)